Last week I was in Kenya with the task of getting all of the new and returning students into high school. The time was great and productive and I want to expand more on the trip as a whole in another post but I haven't been able to stop thinking about a conversation that I had with Christine.
I've known Christine for 3 years as a great soccer player, very aggressive on the field, a leader, outspoken, and someone who will talk to anyone. I see her as strong, bold and full of joy.
Last week Christine wanted to talk to me. So we sat down, and she was actually approaching me to share with me some family difficulties that one of her friends was going through. Christine and her friend had both just finished (and passed!) 8th grade. Christine was concerned because her friend was supposed to go to a day high school through Penda Project but Christine didn't think it was safe for her friend to stay at home and was urging me to take her to a boarding school. The selflessness and care is amazing. These girls are teenagers.
Then as she's talking tears start streaming down her face. And it was the silent cry that's not dramatic. It seemed like she just couldn't control those tears from coming. You could tell there was a lot of sadness behind them. And I was shocked, first, Kenyans dont really show emotion much. Second, see above how I described Christine. I would not have expected to ever see her cry. So I asked her what was making her so sad. She said she was hurting for her friend and she missed her sister. So I started asking questions.
Christine's parents had both passed away and she was living with her older sister. I had known this before. Now, Christine's sister has left for Uganda to try to find work. Christine's older brother was addicted to drugs and had basically disappeared on them. Christine had a twin brother, who I didn't know, and went to a different school, who was trying to figure out what to do after primary school. Christine's 2 younger siblings had been taken by some neighbors to a children's home. Christine hadnt talked to her sister since she had left a couple days before we were talking. Her sister had told her that she wasn't sure if she was going to return to Kibera or not.
Christine didnt understand why God had put her in this situation. She didn't understand what Gods plan was for her or for her friend. It seemed like everything just kept getting harder. She felt so alone. I told her the answers that you know that you are supposed to say but it just felt almost dumb at the time. Then Christine looked at me and said "Do you really think there is going to be a day when all the tears are wiped away?". And I said yes, I don't think there will be tears in heaven. And she looked at me and said "I can't believe that right now".
And it felt like my world got turned upside down. Like everything I've thought and felt about my faith and Christ dying for us. I REALLY don't understand or appreciate that sacrifice that Jesus was. My earth is almost like a heaven. I have so many people who love me and are there for me. I have a great husband who is always with me so I'm never alone. I have too much food, too many clothes, too nice a house, and I'm perfectly healthy. Why would I need to truly understand how great heaven is when I honestly would feel sad about leaving what I have here. But Christine has no parents, no place to call home, a handful of things, siblings in an orphanage, and older siblings who have left her. But at that moment and all the time since then, I have been in AWE of the gift you gave us. I am so thankful for heaven. I want this to be but a second of Christine's eternal life. Bc there is brokenness here but there is no brokenness in heaven. How great is that! How much greater is that!
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying not pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
Rev 21:4
